It's been over two weeks since I had my last cigarette. The craving has gone. I don't know what do with myself now that I don't have that early morning urge to get out of the house for a smoke. I've found myself going for a wee instead. I don't have to leave the house for that. Overall, it's best that I don't leave the house for that. That's just messy. I get to stay indoors for a spot of micturation.
Too much information?
Sorry.
One of the side effects of nicotine withdrawal for me has been a diminution of the barriers between me and the outside world so I'm more likely to engage with it, offend its sensibilities, insult it and put it off me. Smokers live in our little nicotine bubbles. We mix only with other smokers round maloderous bins in the wind, rain and snow during the winter or under the unforgiving sun during summer. We forget what normal conversation is all about. So when we leave our tar-stained world behind, we tend to bring the stink of the ash tray with us.
I'd like to thank @HumphreyCushion for helping me through the last couple of weeks. She's been an absolute star. Thanks, petal.
I'm trying to stop smoking. Again. It's not going well. I have wobbly legs and I don't know what to do with myself when I'm on long car journeys. I'm at that awkward stage where I'm not feeling any of the benefits of not smoking and at the same time feeling all the old cravings. It's bollocks.
I joked on Twitter the other night that fags provided the greatest love affair of my life. That got me some new followers. Hello, boys. It's not true. Sorry to disappoint you. You're all so sweet.
Anyway, while it's not true to say that cigarettes were my greatest love, they were my first adult love. I was a child until my first cigarette. After that, everything changed. You always remember the first time. For me, it was on a beach in St Andrews in late April or early May. There had been drinking. There was some fumbling and sand everywhere and to be honest that first kiss was a bit of a mess but we soon developed confidence in one another. Like all men, I want to think I'm in control of the relationship, but in the furring arteries of my heart I know that this is not the case. I lost myself to cigarettes a quarter of a century or so ago and they have had me ever since.
We've had our ups and downs. I have from time to time been able to resist sometimes for months at a time usually when I've started another relationship. In the end, I've gone behind my new love's back and fallen into the smoky embrace of the old. In truth, cigarettes are the lover from your past you most want to deny. She's an embarrassing mess. She makes you feel wonderful in the first few moments and then dirty for weeks or months afterwards. You crave her and despise yourself at the same time.
So now, fed up with the self-loathing, I've decided to try to leave the cigarettes behind again. I'm not sure I'll be able to cope with life without my stubby, smelly, disgusting little crutches but I'm going to try. Farewell, fags. Remember the good times, please and try to think well of me.
Spen King died a couple of weeks ago. For those who don't know, he was an engineer at Land Rover and was partly responsible for the basic appearance of the original Range Rover. He was one of a team of engineers who had to get the road testing programme underway for Land Rover's new station wagon project. He and a colleague designed some bodywork to go over the chassis which needed very little tidying by David Bache who was the stylist on the Range Rover project. His contribution to the Range Rover story was marked in a small way by the Range Rover CSK, a two door special edition which came into production late in the run of the original series car. He was evidently a talented engineer with a fine eye for design. He exemplifies all that Land Rover has been almost since the first one was created in 1948.
Last week, Land Rover launched its new baby at Kensington Palace. It had been previewed by the LRX concept at motor shows a couple of years ago. Land Rover announced last year that the new car would be the third Range Rover line. That's fine. Range Rovers cost more than Land Rovers, so presumably the cars will be more profitable. It has a rather silly name, though. It's called the Evoque. It's one of those names which can only have come from a naming consultant whose last client wanted a name for a mobile phone or a nutritionally balanced breakfast cereal for those women with a busy lifestyle. It's bollocks. Sorry, Bolloques. It's probably the worst thing about the car though. I don't much care that it'll be available with two wheel drive. It's a road car, after all. There will be hybrid versions and four wheel drive and it looks the absolute dog's bollocks. Sorry, Bolloques du Chien.
Rather more worryingly, Victoria Beckham was introduced at the launch as a Creative Design Executive. Let's leave the way that the language has been mangled (would you want an Uncreative Design Executive?) and think about what an over-polished and under-nourished person can do for Land Rover. I think it was the Autocar office staffers who suggested that she could advise on weight-loss but I may be wrong.I don't know how Posh Spice fits into the brand I know as Range Rover. Can she cope with wet dogs and green wellies? Would she gralloch a stag? Could she get out of a wet and muddy field without the slightest fuss? The shires of England are stuffed with gels who can do all of the above and still look good doing it but sadly none of them have talked themselves into a high media profile. They're probably too busy doing stuff to be famous.
The thing which bugs me is that Land Rover has moved away from its engineering roots and the brand managers have taken over. The link between Ms Beckham and Range Rover was apparently suggested by someone at Vogue. Vogue? Since when does a car company listen to anything a fashion magazine has to say about anything. If it had been at the suggestion of Land Rover Monthly I might have understood, but Vogue? I know that the big Range Rover has a trim called Vogue but I thought that any links with the magazine had been cut donkey's years ago. I worry that Land Rovers and Range Rovers might cease to be things which slip into some people's lives and just work and become instead primarily accessories to a life-style. They have not until now been fashion items and I'd really rather that they didn't start that nonsense now.
This blog entry serves several purposes. It marks the passing of Charles Spencer King, one of the prime creators of one of my favourite cars. It marks the arrival of a truly fabulous little Range Rover which I hope brings the company huge success. Finally, it might mark the passing of Land Rover as an engineering-led company whose products have had honesty of purpose at their very core for over 60 years. I really hope it doesn't.
