I’m not going to dwell on another disastrous race for that way lies only misery and negativity. Instead, I’m going to reflect on the glory of chocolate because chocolate is happiness, chocolate is life.
Chocolate is dark and it is milk and it is white and it is hot. It is bitter and it is sea salt and it is chilli.
You can have it on its own or in cakes and cookies. You can have it as a spread on bread. You can have it as a mousse out of a champagne saucer or if you’re very, very lucky, licked from the nipple of an intimate friend.
You can plunge strawberries into a bowl of it. You can drown raspberries in it. You could have a good solid go at drowning yourself in there if you have a big enough vat of it.
It serves as an accessory in cute baby pictures where the baby has smeared it all around its mouth. You can’t do that with kale. You can do that with pea puree but that then it looks like something unpleasant has burst.
You can mould it into fruit shapes and pretend it’s an orange. You can flavour it with mint and delude yourself that it’s toothpaste.
It melts round about body temperature but good chocolate can still snap with a click like a tiger’s dentures when it’s cold.
Choccie isn’t chalky.
Just don’t overdo it and brush your teeth with proper toothpaste afterwards, not just melted After Eights.